For King and Country
by Eevee
Summary: When Yuri needs advice abut his marital duties, he should probably have asked someone else than Murata. [Yuuram, silly]


Yuri Shibuya had barely turned twenty when his mother started talking about grandchildren and the oldest girl next door. When he asked why it was directed at him and not his brother, it surfaced that Greta was growing too old to qualify as "cute". He was also told that it was silly and prejudiced to think that pregnancies, childbirth and caring of infants were things that depended on age and gender. Jennifer of Yokohama was a force of nature once she set her mind to something, so Yuri chose the simplest way out and married his fiancé; it wasn't as big a sacrifice as it might have been a few years prior, anyway. There had been an episode after the lavish ball to celebrate his eighteenth birthday, and to what lengths people could have an _understanding_ when they'd already been very publicly engaged for two years and counting, Yuri had at least made peace with the idea that his married life was fairly likely to involve another man's hairy testicles. And as long as he had the choice, he could honestly say that he preferred they be Wolfram's.

The only private computer that Yuri could access belonged to his older brother, which meant that his primary sexual education was from pornography obtainable in physical form and his mother's trashy novels that he'd read in an embarrasing bout of self-education in middle school. Neither had been helpful when it got to situations that didn't involve at least one lady. Yuri had never been particularly interested in gay sex, and had chosen the possibly cowardly tactic of thinking of his wedding night more in terms of the proper emotions that followed, and not the technicalities of doing it without the usual... holes. If the novels were anything to go by, the sex would follow instinctively once you just fell into the arms of your lover upon finally celebrating marriage after having overcome the arranged marriages and evil fathers and kidnappings and jealous fiancées. He and Wolfram might be lacking some emotional intensity since they really only had the 'kidnappings' in place, but Yuri had more pressing things on his agendy by the point where a public date was set. Both he and Wolfram were reasonably intelligent persons; he was sure they'd figure something out.

They were married in the spring, and although the Great Demon Kingdom could never imitate the atmosphere of blossoming cherry trees, it was a celebration so full of friends and cheer that Yuri couldn't even feel one little bit bitter about it. Even the wedding night went surprisingly well until the point where he surfaced to find himself on his back with his knees spread. It didn't even alarm him at first.

"Hey, hey Wolf, what are you doing?" he asked, and his voice was still bubbling with wine and the taste of Wolfram's mouth.

"I'm taking your virginity, you dolt," said Wolfram, as if it was the most natural thing in the world.

"What," said Yuri.

* * *

"Conrad?"

"Yes, your Majesty?"

"Do you know what the Gentlemen's Code is?"

"Of course, your Majesty."

"Oh. But - never mind."

"Does this have something to do with Wolfram bad temper at breakfast today?"

"I don't want to talk about it."

* * *

"Ah," said Murata, "they called it something else back in the day. Don't worry, Shibuya, it's an ancient and honoured tradition."

"That's easy for you to say," Yuri grumbled. They were strolling through the gardens stretching out behind Covenant Castle, which was the only place Yuri could hope for some degree of privacy with Murata while keeping the maids from starting sordid rumours. He had given up on trying to explain the concept of manly friendship to the staff and the court, and had no wish to carry more fuel to Wolfram's already foul mood.

"You must admit that it makes sense, though. If a man proposes marriage to another man, it is to be expected that he knows what that might necessarily mean for the marriage bed. If his partner is not of that conviction, the burden should lie on the part seeking the union to also take the, ah, less instinctive position."

"Nobody told me anything about that."

"It probably never occured to them that things would be different on Earth."

"Really? Because it sure seemed like a huge deal to Wolfram."

Murata shrugged with an infuriating lack of outrage. "Of course, he has been waiting for this marriage for five years now."

"You'd think that a man that eager to marry another man would not be so peculiar about which part he plays in bed."

"Well, that's exactly the point, isn't it?"

"You're not being very helpful here."

"Please, think about it. The submission is seen as a token of devotion. Even if it is mostly a symbolic gesture, Lord von Bielefeld is a man of a traditional disposition. Do you realise now why it is so important to him?"

"Right now I'm more concerned with how important it suddenly is to _me_," Yuri said with a shudder.

"Don't be such a prude," said Murata in a voice much too easy, "really, the fear of getting it from behind is probably the saddest part of today's homophobia. Both men and women can derive pleasure from anal stimulation - what?"

"Do I even want to know how you know that," said Yuri, feeling green.

Murata looked unimpressed. "I have seventy-three previous lives for comparison. Trust me, Shibuya, I think I should know what I'm talking about by now."

Yuri said the first thing that could get the conversation off the track of Murata's inhuman experience at perversion. "It's just not _right_."

"And yet you were prepared to do it to Lord von Bielefeld?"

"Oh, _shut up_!" Yuri howled, and clamped his hands over his ears in a sad gesture to avoid Murata's disgusting attempts at making him think that his feelings about his private orifices were somehow hypocritical. He felt a bit better when he lowered them again and found that Murata looked unusually sympathetic.

"Really, Shibuya, this is a small detail to get stuck on in comparison to all the other ways marriage will change your life. It can really be very good if it's done right, and there are a hundred different practices in bed that are much more deprived than anal sex."

A small, resentful part of Yuri wondered how it was that this suppsoedly was the Great Wise Man whose strategies had saved the world from certain doom no less than twice. "Don't you have some more concrete advise to offer?" he asked, and _heard _it blend into his voice.

Murata sighed and patted his shoulder. "Lie back and think of the Kingdom."

* * *

And:

"Murata," said Yuri and forced himself to ignore the pitch of his voice, "for the love of God, Murata, please tell me why they're all congratulating me on this."

He looked back over his shoulder to where Wolfram and his family were still gathered by the bed that Yuri had left only when the Great Wise Man made his visit. He and Murata were standing by the windows overlooking the garden, barely out of whispering range from the others. Not that they seemed inclined to listen in, anyway: there was still an unusual amount of brotherly back-patting going on. Yuri couldn't remember the last time he had seen Gwendal smile like that.

"Well," Murata was clearly weighing his words, "this goes back to the Gentlemen's Code."

"There's not a whole lot of gentleman going on here at the moment, is there?!" Yuri spat and slammed a hand to his chest, cringing as he felt his pyjama top strain in places it never had before.

"Yes, well, that is part of the point. There are certain things that no _man_ can do on his own, and one of them is to give another man an heir."

It took Yuri a good ten seconds to piece together what Murata had just said, and by then he could feel the floor swaying beneath his feet.

"I think I'm about to be sick," he palely announced.

"Oh no, not for another six or seven weeks yet," said Murata in a much too happy tone, "I guess congratulations really _are_ in order, Shibuya."

Yuri closed his eyes as he leaned heavily on the wall, contemplating this utter betrayal by his collected subordinates, his husband, his godfather and the man who supposedly had been reincarnated for four thousand years for the sole purpose of guiding him. "And how exactly did this happen?" he asked.

"The powers of the Great One truly are astonishing," said Murata. He did not elaborate, but smiled and patted Yuri's shoulder in a manner that probably was supposed to be encouraging. "There's nothing to worry about! You'll be back to your old self by this time next year, and

the Great Demon Kingdom will have a fine Prince or Princess."

"And what do you suggest I do in the meantime?"

"Practice sitting down peeing. Get some new clothes tailored. Have you looked in the mirror yet? You're very cute."

"Really?" said Yuri, and felt how something at the very core of his self-respect collapsed as he realised that this made him feel better.

"Yes, very," said Murata with a blithe smile. Yuri's robe had been well-fitted the night before, but now it hung so far down that it nearly covered his suddenly slender hands. The fabric bunched as Murata took him by the shoulders, and turned him to where his in-laws and Günter were looking at him like he was their own son or brother - which, he supposed, he _was _by now. Wolfram was smiling like a little boy, and Yuri realised that Wolfram hadn't stopped smiling ever since he had been woken up by Yuri's panicked discovery of his new feminine assets. And wasn't that what this was about? The small part of Yuri's brain that was still clinging to his sanity latched onto that, and how badly he wanted for Wolfram to smile like that more often.

It would be okay. The Great Demon Kingdom had been insane since the first purple apple that he ate, and it hadn't killed him yet.

Murata started pushing him towards the others, his hands firm on Yuri's shoulders as if he needed help to remain standing. Wolfram lifted a hand as if to reach out for him, and Yuri had almost submitted to the idea that this was fine and normal when the bastard that some people called his best friend had to open his mouth anew.

"And, just imagine what your mother will say to this!"

And _that_ was when Yuri finally gave up. He surrendered the last few grains that remained of his manhood, and collapsed in what he hoped was at least an acceptably girly bawl.


End file.
